


Hear Me

by reindeerface (MorganosaurusRex)



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Chronic Misunderstanding, F/M, Genderbend, Genderbent!Natsu, Guilt, Laxus is a precious awkward cinnamon roll, Natsumi is everything you'd expect, Pining, also posted on ffn under same penname so you know its legit, i promise i didn't do this to have a het ship i swear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-04-15 08:58:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4600782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganosaurusRex/pseuds/reindeerface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natsumi isn't a complicated person. Laxus is. Laxus can't understand why Natsumi's been hell-bent on fighting him since the Grand Magical Games concluded. Natsumi can't understand why he won't take her on. What follows is the train wreck that is two mages learning that perhaps things aren't as simple as they believed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's a Bird! It's a Train! No, it's an Idiot in an Asshole Costume

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I wrote this story to sort of address some of the criticisms I've had of Fairy Tail. It's my favorite series, but I've always been saddened with how a lot of the female characters are treated, especially poor Lucy the punching bag. Besides Erza, there's a distinct lack of unapologetic females that aren't consistently punished by the narrative. SO I thought it'd be interesting to do a take on female Natsu, which I think would be interesting because she'd have all of Natsu's brashness, competitive spirit, and unapologetic enthusiasm, but she'd also have to deal with the same sort of underestimation Lucy is faced with. I think that's a cool combination, so I wanted to explore it in this context. I really hope I haven't offended anybody in the process of posting this. I just wanted to make it clear that I didn't write this to make my "ship" straight or any gross stuff like that. 
> 
> Without further ado, this is an AU that takes place after the GMG. Everything prior to that is identical to the anime/manga, but then it splits off into what I've written. The only difference is that Laxus and Natsumi never fought in the forest directly after the 7 year time skip. 
> 
> Okay, I promise I'm done now. Enjoy!

_September 1, X777_

_Laxus couldn’t believe the Old Man. He knew that he was probably going senile in his old age, but that was no reason, in Laxus’s opinion, to open up an orphanage. He’d thought it was weird when he took in that girl Cana a few years ago when she came in whining about finding her dad, but she was quiet and stayed out of his way, so he looked past it. Then there was that mouthy kid that was constantly taking his damn clothes off, which was way creepy for an eleven year old._

_He even kept quiet when Erza came along the year before. She was just as obnoxious as the rest of them, but she was talented and she kept the nudist kid in line, so he could at least tolerate her most of the time._

_But he knew this kid was going to be a pain in the ass._

_She stood a few inches shorter than Gramps, glaring up at everyone as he introduced her as Natsumi Dragneel, the newest guild member. She was covered in dirt and bruises, and her ostentatious pink hair stuck out in all different directions, smeared with what he hoped was mud. The kid, though he couldn’t tell how old she was, looked half-wild, and the way she was mean-mugging everyone immediately pissed him off._

_“Welcome to Fairy Tail, Natsumi,” Erza said as she walked up to the girl, towering over her. “What brings you to our guild?”_

_The shrimp looked her up and down, then gave her a loud sniff. What a fucking weirdo._

_“I’m looking for my father, Igneel,” she said, her voice chirpy and high._

_Great. Another kid with daddy issues. He swore Gramps was making a collection._

_“Oh?” Erza said, eyes widening. “Well I’m sure we could help you find him. What’s he like?”_

_The kid’s eyes lit up. “Well, he’s the best! He taught me all the magic I know! He’s the smartest, fastest, strongest dad ever!”_

_Everyone laughed at her enthusiasm, but it made Laxus want to gag. Her old man was probably dead. That, or he’d taken off, just like Laxus’s own had._

_“I’m sure he is,” Macao said from his seat at one of the tables. “But could you give us a physical description?”_

_She nodded vigorously, her hair bobbing up and down. “He’s huge and red, almost as big as the guild hall! He’s got shiny scales and sharp claws and breathes fire—“_

_“Is this kid serious?” Laxus couldn’t contain himself, walking up to the crowd. “What the hell are you even talking about?” he sneered at the slip of a girl._

_She glared at him, “I’m talking about Igneel!”_

_“Your father’s a giant lizard? I thought my old man was a drag.”_

_“Take that back!” she shouted, and Gramps had to grab hold of the stupid white scarf she wore to keep her from attacking Laxus. “Don’t call Igneel a lizard, you jerk! He’s the King of the Fire Dragons and he’d roast you alive for saying something like that!”_

_He laughed at her. “Sure, kid.”_

_“Are you sure you aren’t confused, Natsumi?” Erza asked. “No one has seen a dragon in—“_

_“I’m not confused and I’m not lying! Igneel’s my dad and he taught me Dragon Slayer Magic!”_

_“And I’m the long-lost Prince of Fiore,” Gray spat out from behind Erza, struggling out of his shirt._

_“I’m telling the truth!”_

_“Stop lying! No one believes you!” the shirtless boy yelled at her._

_“Oh yeah? Well how about this?! Fire Dragon’s Roar!”_

_Erza ducked in surprise as a huge fireball erupted from the tiny girl’s mouth. Gray wasn’t as quick, and was thrown backward into the table where Macao and Wakaba had been playing cards with Cana. Laxus blinked. Well, that was something._

_“Dragon Slayer Magic, huh?” he asked the kid, quirking one blonde eyebrow._

_“I told you,” she grumbled, crossing her thin arms over a heavily bandaged midsection._

_“Was a party trick like that supposed to scare me, Flame Brain?!” Gray yelled, standing up on the table. “Ice Make Lance!” he shouted, and shot a barrage of sharp spears toward the girl._

_The girl nimbly dodged the projectiles and rushed toward the boy, “Fire Dragon’s Iron Fist!” she slugged him with an ignited right hook, dropping him. As Gray got back up into his Maker Stance, Laxus caught the look his grandfather shot him._

_Of course. Now that the Old Man accepted the new brat, Laxus was stuck playing babysitter. Perfect._

_As he walked over to the brawling children, Macao and Wakaba cleared out, an alarmed Cana following behind him. Gray and the new menace were about to throw haymakers at each other when he acted, engulfing them both in a pillar of golden sparks._

_Both kids dropped. Gray moaned softly, then rolled off the edge of the table with a loud clunk. The girl lay motionless, her back to Laxus. He scoffed. For all that bluster, she sure was a lightweight. Now he was going to get an earful from Gramps about overdoing it. Moving closer, he was about to poke her in the side when she shot up, a blinding smile on her face._

_He stepped back, eyes widening._

_“That was awesome! You use Lightning Magic?! That was so cool!” she stood and waved her arm in the air._

_“Uh…yeah, sure. Whatever,” he said, not sure how to respond to this girl’s apparent excitement at getting her ass handed to her._

_“I’m serious! Come on, do it again. Fight me!” she put her tiny fists up, pantomiming punches._

_She couldn’t be serious. What was Gramps thinking when he picked up this psycho?_

_“Not going to happen, Pinky. I’d crush you as easily as I did now.”_

_Her determined expression didn’t waver as he spoke, though she did drop her fighting stance._

_“Fine. Then I’ll get stronger, so you’ll have to fight me!” she promised, pointing at him in challenge._

_“Don’t count on it,” he scoffed._

_“You’ll see, …” she stopped, tilting her head to the side, her shorn hair pointing straight up. “Hey, what’s your name, anyway?”_

_Oh yeah, she was going to be the biggest pain in his ass._

* * *

 

August 28, X791

 

“Laxus! There you are, you coward!”

The lightning mage in question sighed at his table and chugged the remaining contents of his drink. He’d just paid for the damn thing, and when the impending conflict occurred, it’d just get spilled. Knowing Mira, she’d make him pay full price for another one.

The diminutive fire dragon slayer stomped into the guild, letting the cool night air in through the doors she’d just slammed open. Her teammates followed her in, but once they traced her line of sight to Laxus, they made themselves scarce, Lucy pulling Happy by the tail over to the bar.

Laxus watched her advance with a growing sense of frustrated resignation. She had a fire in her eyes, her long cherry blossom hair billowing behind her in a thick snarl. He swallowed the lump in his throat as she marched toward him, not looking forward to what would be another repeat of what had been close to a weekly occurrence since returning last month from their victory at the Grand Magic Games.

She stopped in front of his table and pointed at him.

“Tonight. Let’s go. You and me,” she challenged with a determined glare.

He sighed. So it was going to be this same old shit again. Lovely.

“No,” he said flatly.

“Yes!”

“I said no. Now leave me alone,” he shooed her away with a flick of his hand.

Natsumi slammed her hands down on his table, knocking over his cup like he’d expected. The girl didn’t do anything quietly. She leaned forward, glaring, but her intimidation tactic was lost on Laxus, who was still nearly eye level with her, even from his seated position.

“Fight me,” she ordered him.

He narrowed his eyes. “Go fight Gray.”

She huffed. “I spent the last two days fighting that bastard. I’m here to fight you! Now take that stupid coat off and get ready!”

Laxus shook his head, choosing to ignore her crack about his coat. “Give it up, Nat. I’m not fighting with you. Ever.”

Sagging against his table, she whined.

“But why?” She drew out the last syllable, her eyes going wide and lip jutting out in an attempt to butter him up. Pushing down the guilt that threatened to surface every time she did this, he remained firm, pulling out his standard excuse.

“You don’t see me agreeing to fight Levy, do you? Grow ten inches and then we’ll talk.”

She flushed with anger. “That’s not fair! Of course you wouldn’t fight Levy, she’s not a combat specialist! Sorry, Levy,” she called over to where the Solid Script mage sat with Jet and Droy. The bluenette only smiled and shrugged, waving off the unintentional insult.

The blonde man was tired of having this conversation with her. “Life isn’t fair. Get over it.”

Natsumi wasn’t about to let him get away with the same flimsy excuse he always used, he could tell. “I’m plenty strong enough to take you on!” the pink-haired girl yelled at him.

He was going to have to pull out the big guns, then.

Leaning back in his seat, he smirked at her. “Says the girl who still can’t last more than a minute against Erza?”

He watched in amusement as rage overtook her, her face turning a color that rivaled the shade of Titania’s hair. “I haven’t fought Erza since before the Games! I’m much more powerful now, so get off your ass and fight me!”

God, she was so stubborn. When she’d first insisted on fighting him, he’d found it funny and even a little endearing. But as the weeks went on and she refused to drop it, he only got more irritated, wondering why she wouldn’t leave him the fuck alone like he asked, or why it mattered so much to her. He thought he’d been resigned to his fate of being forced to turn her down, but now she was just pissing him off.

Through trying to be nice to the little pest, he narrowed his eyes at her.

“I’m not going to fight you,” he told her in a voice that he’d used to talk to small, obstinate children in the past, when he’d been about three seconds from dropkicking them. “Not now, or tomorrow, or next week. Never. So get it through your fucking iron skull, alright? Leave me alone.” Laxus growled out.

“Listen here, buddy, I—“

“I said leave me alone!” he boomed, shooting out of his chair to get in her face.

To her credit, she didn’t even flinch, only continued to glare balefully as he snarled at her, inches away. He struggled to hold onto the burn of his anger as they continued their standoff. Her spicy, smoky scent invaded his nose, and his head swam.

When he began to grow worried that he may have to be the first to break in their silent battle, she saved him by pulling away to release a bellow of flame. Screaming in frustration, she kicked the chair immediately to her right, sending it flying, crashing into an unsuspecting bystander.

Luckily for Laxus, that bystander happened to be Gajeel, who’d been holding a sleeping Pantherlily.

“Oi, watch what the fuck you’re doing, Salamander!” he shouted, putting Lily down and rolling up his sleeves.

Natsumi, still fuming, glared over at the iron dragon slayer. “Shut up! You should’ve been paying attention!”

“To what? You getting rejected? I’ve seen it before, and it’s embarrassing,” Gajeel taunted. The small girl bristled further.

“Come here and say that to my face, Pinhead!” she threatened.

The black haired man laughed. “Gladly! If Sparkplug won’t kick your ass, I’ll be happy to put you in your place!” Not waiting for her charge, he activated his magic, sending an iron pole at full speed to where Natsumi stood.

She jumped it easily, landing on top of the pole with the grace of an acrobat, and ran along it to strike a blow of her own, both fists blazing. The dueling dragon slayers soon dissolved into an indiscernible tussle of broken furniture and kicked-up dust. Laxus relaxed, slumping back in chair as he watched them brawl. He almost wished they weren’t moving so fast so he could see properly.

She really was enthralling to watch when she fought. He admired how she always went all out in every fight, no matter how thoroughly outmatched she was. Despite being one of the smallest in the guild, the little shit was scarily strong, and could take a beating like no one else he knew, except maybe for Erza. It still baffled him how someone so small could take down the people she had, his mind flashing back to Tenrou Island when she’d dealt the final blow to Hades, and then to the Games, when she’d singlehandedly dispatched Sting and Rogue with seemingly no effort—despite having taken the brunt of their strongest spells. It’d been amazing.

In light of all that, he wasn’t surprised to see Gajeel hit the wall after Natsumi clobbered him with a flaming fist.

“Had enough now?” she taunted the older dragon slayer, still sounding pissed.

Her opponent laughed, wiping his forehead. “You wish,” he answered her, before the two engaged once again. Laxus knew the iron dragon slayer was fighting a losing battle, though. There was no stopping Natsumi when she was legitimately angry, and Gajeel had no motivation to fight as hard as she was. It’d only be a matter of time, he thought, smirking.

“You know she’s only going to get more insistent from here on out, right?” Mira said as she came to refill his glass, snapping him out of his thoughts.

The lightning mage glared at the barmaid. “Mind your own business.”

“Why don’t you just spar with her? It’s not like she’s asking for a death match, and it’d make her whole year,” the young woman smiled at him, completely ignoring his angry expression.

He snatched the glass out of her hand. The sneak was probably trying to con him into buying another round. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

She laughed. “I guess not. But you’re only making things worse by not being honest with her…or yourself.” The Takeover mage quirked an eyebrow at him, a hand on her hip.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he spat out, “but if I wanted to be lectured about this shit, I wouldn’t have sent Freed home.”

“They’re just worried about you. So am I, frankly. No one understands why you insist on things being this way.”

He was not in the mood for this shit. Mira was nosy on the best of days, and he definitely didn’t need her poking around in his brain.

“Whatever,” he groused, standing up. “I’m getting out of here while she’s still occupied. I’ll settle my tab tomorrow morning.”

Mirajane pouted, but nodded. There was no use in trying to convince Laxus to do something on anyone’s time that wasn’t his own. “You won’t be able to run from this forever,” she said in a low tone as he pushed past her.

He swept out of the guild with one last backward glance to ensure Natsumi hadn’t spotted him, not bothering to respond to the barmaid’s comment. She didn’t know what she was talking about, anyway, and would better served doing her actual job instead of butting into other people’s affairs.

As he walked through the cool night air back to his apartment, though, he couldn’t stop her words from knocking around his brain. Maybe he couldn’t avoid it forever, but Laxus would be damned if he wasn’t going to try.

* * *

 

 By the time Natsumi finally managed to knock Gajeel unconscious, the guild was emptying out for the night. She looked around after wiping her bloodied nose and noticed that Laxus was nowhere to be found. Whatever his problem was, she was getting tired of it. She didn’t understand why he couldn’t just fight her like she asked, even if she wasn’t as strong as he was.

It didn’t matter if she had to ask him every day for the next year. Sooner or later, she’d get him to fight her, and then he’d regret letting her get so strong in the meantime.

Dusting her hands off, she walked over to the bar where Lucy was eating a bowl of strawberries and ignoring Happy.

“Did you work off your frustration?” her friend asked her dryly as she looked Natsumi up and down, taking in the rips in the girl’s vest and the crusted, dried blood around her nose.

Clicking her tongue, the dragon slayer hopped onto a stool beside Lucy, glaring at the counter top. “No. That hunk of junk is a sorry consolation prize. He’s almost as bad as Gray.”

“Are you sure about that? It’s been a while since Gray drew blood. Give Gajeel some credit.”

She shrugged and offered her arms to Happy, who readily jumped into them and nuzzled her neck.

“I guess. It was a lucky shot, though. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Does it hurt?” Happy asked, pulling back to look up at her with wide, concerned eyes.

She managed a smile for her oldest friend. “Nah. It’s not even broken,” she reassured. For good measure, she gave him a scratch behind the ears.

“You’re lucky, then. Your looks are one of the only things going for you. Lose those and all that’ll be left is your personality,” Lucy mumbled as she continued munching on the strawberries.

Natsumi stole a handful, ignoring the blonde girl’s protests as she shoved them all in her mouth at once.

“That’s not very nice, Lucy,” Happy admonished. “Are you mad because Natsumi is prettier than you are?”

“I didn’t say that! And no, I’m not!” she defended, glaring at the cat.

Swallowing, Natsumi smiled at her friend. “That’s okay, Lucy. You can be prettier, I don’t mind.” She punctuated the statement by stealing another strawberry.

“Your generosity is truly astounding,” Lucy remarked in a flat voice.

The dragon slayer shrugged, oblivious to the celestial mage’s sarcasm. “Hey, do we have any food at the apartment? I’m hungry.”

“I am, too,” Happy agreed, rubbing one eye with a tiny paw. Lucy’s eyes widened.

“You’re eating right now! And we ate dinner before we got back—you still owe me the money for that, by the way.” She mentally added that to the ever-growing mountain of Jewels the shorter girl owed her, despite knowing that she’d probably never see any of it. Sometimes she still kicked herself for letting Natsumi move in with her all that time ago, but it’d seemed like the best decision at the time, especially since she and Happy were already there most nights. Plus, it took a strain off the need to make 70,000 Jewel a month by herself just so she could keep her apartment. But even between the two of them, their team’s destructive tendencies made footing the bill for their shared rent and Natsumi’s extensive grocery needs difficult at the best of times.

“So…” the pink-haired girl blinked at her friend, “does that mean there’s food at home, or…?”

“No, there’s not! Now let’s go before you rack up more of a tab with Mira, if she hasn’t already cut you off since the last time.”

Without further preamble, the blonde dragged her roommate from her seat and out of the guild before she could get herself into any more trouble, calling a quick goodbye to Mira over her shoulder on the way out.

Once they were out in the coolness of the autumn air, Natsumi felt herself calm down, both from her fight with Gajeel and her standoff with Laxus. With Happy sitting happily on her head and Lucy beside her, she was happy to be with her friends as they all walked home together. She wanted to put the night behind her and look forward to tomorrow. Maybe Laxus would come to his senses then.

“Did you ever think that Laxus is avoiding you for a reason?” Lucy asked her as she climbed up to balance on the stone wall overlooking the river, waving at the fisherman docking in for the night.

“Like what? You think he’s scared?” Natsumi asked her, snickering. Maybe he’d decided he didn’t want to mess with her after watching her beat Sting and Rogue. She guessed that was fair, but she fought against Erza all the time, even though she scared the hell out of Natsumi. It didn’t seem like a good excuse, even if the thought of Laxus being afraid filled her with pride.

“Uh, yeah, I don’t think that’s it,” Lucy quipped.

Happy looked to Lucy from his perch among the rat’s nest that was his friend’s hair. “Do you think Laxus just doesn’t like Natsumi?”

Lucy laughed, “Honestly, I would have bet money on that before, but now I’m not so sure. It took him a while before he actually raised his voice, don’t you think?”

Natsumi shrugged in response. She hadn’t really given it much thought. She’d tried to get him to take her on so many time since he’d been reinstated, and he’d refused her each time. Just the fact that he didn’t want to fight her made her want it even more. She wanted it so much, craved his respect as an opponent so badly, that she burned with it. The reasons for his refusal didn’t bother her; only that he had them, and she wasn’t willing to accept that.

“You’re really not going to let this go, are you?” Lucy asked her, stopping her balancing act to turn directly toward her friend.

“Why should I? I’m not the one who’s being all weird about it,” she grumbled and crossed her arms over her chest.

Lucy was worried. She couldn’t tell why this situation had her feeling so on edge, but it did. Laxus was being way too cagey about everything, and she had a sneaking suspicion that there was more to his refusal to fight Natsumi than he let on.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Not giving up, I mean.”

“Yes! He’s being stupid and he doesn’t even have a good reason for saying no.”

The celestial mage smacked herself in the forehead, nearly knocking herself into the water in the process. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! Maybe he does have a reason and doesn’t want to tell you! It’s not like he owes you an explanation.”

“It’s not my problem if Laxus is being a big weirdo,” Natsumi pouted.

“He may be acting suspicious, but you’re being pretty weird, too,” Lucy laughed and resumed her walking, the focus of maintaining her balance on the narrow wall helping to order all the thoughts that were flying through her head.“It’s not like you to be so obsessed with stuff like this. I’ve never seen you so upset over something for so long. It’s kind of freaking me out, honestly.”

Natsumi sighed, reaching up to pet Happy’s fur. “I don’t know why it makes me so angry. But when I see Laxus acting like such a baby, it just fires me up, you know? He didn’t get all weird about it when he fought me and Gajeel before Gramps kicked him out. He went all out against us!” She frowned, then, thinking about how much had changed since then.

“And when he wouldn’t fight me in the forest after he moved back to Magnolia, I thought it was just because he wasn’t part of the guild anymore. But when Guildarts let him back in, I thought I’d finally get a chance to show him how much more powerful I got, but then he just turned his nose up at me like he did when I was a kid, and it pissed me off!”

Her hands started to shake when she remembered every refusal he’d given her. Every half-assed excuse about her being too little, too young, too stupid. They were all bullshit, but she didn’t care. She just wanted a chance to prove to him that she could hold her own and make him eat his words.

“I don’t like being so angry at one of my guild mates, but I just can’t help it! It’s just…not fair!” she finished, taking in a large breath.

Looking at her friend’s distress, Lucy decided to drop it, hoping that a good night’s sleep would bring her back to her normal enthusiastic cheerfulness. She hoped that whatever was going through Laxus’s head, he was doing a better job at sorting through his side of things than Natsumi was, and if not, she worried that the guild was in for far more trouble than anyone anticipated.


	2. The Road to Hell is Paved with the Good Intentions of Sleep Deprived People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laxus is perhaps not as healed from his transgressions as he would have others believe. 
> 
> Laxus is perhaps not even close to not being an absolute mess of a human being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually sort of forgot I'd posted this story on this website. I was so focused on getting it up on ffn that I sort of let this fall by the wayside, since there isn't as much Fairy Tail presence here. For those of you that might have been interested, I'm so sorry! I intend to rectify the situation immediately ^^

**The Road to Hell is Paved with the Good Intentions of Sleep-Deprived People**

It was weird, Laxus thought, to dream about yourself, but have absolutely no control over what you did.

The familiar nightmare played out like a drama as the doors to Kardia Cathedral opened, and one after another, dream-Laxus dispatched his teammates with a demented smile, first Mystogan, then Erza.

He knew what came next, but desperately tried to wake himself up, not wanting to bear witness to his memories. Like always, his subconscious forced him to watch as Natsumi begged Erza to let her take over, charging forward to his dream self when the scarlet haired girl relented.

Laxus watched their battle rage on, neither one gaining the upper hand, waiting for the moment when his snarling face, purpled with rage, would roar out an attack that would nearly kill Natsumi.

Only this time, Gajeel didn’t swoop in at the last minute to pull Natsumi out of the way. To his horror, he watched himself laugh maniacally as Natsumi was engulfed in a sea of sparks, her screams echoing off the expansive walls of the cathedral. His dream-self continued to taunt the dragon slayer over the sound of her screams, walking towards her.

He saw himself reach through the wall of lightning to grab the girl by the throat. Laxus watched in shock as Natsumi continued to struggle, coughing up rivulets of crimson blood as she clawed at his hand. He screamed at himself to wake up, desperate to escape what was literally becoming his worst nightmare.

“What now, Nat? This is what you wanted, right? To go toe to toe with me?” Dream Laxus asked her, drawing her closer as the sparks dissipated. He squeezed her throat tighter, a cruel smile on his face as she yelped and gasped for air.

“I do have to tell you, I expected more,” Dream Laxus continued, oblivious to the blood dripping over his hand as he held Natsumi in the air. “But you wanted me to go all out, and I couldn’t disappoint you, could I?”

Laxus fought back a gag as his dream self brutally forced his mouth on Natsumi’s, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. She squealed and kicked her legs, using the last of her energy to fight him off to no avail.

He saw himself pull away then, Natsumi’s blood dripping down his own face as he grinned at her. “Such a waste,” he said casually, and brought his other hand up, snapping her neck with practiced ease and dropping her limp body unceremoniously to the floor.

Laxus knew he was screaming, desperately trying to go to Natsumi, who lay crumbled and still on the stone floor of the cathedral, but he couldn’t move, his limbs frozen in place. He sobbed out her name, wanting to go to her and hold her unmoving body close more than he’d ever wanted anything. As he stared at the calamity before him, his dream self only laughed, and the scene began to change before his eyes, the stone walls melting away to burning forest.

His guild members rushed toward him in a mob, knocking him down and back as they tried to escape the chaos of the encroaching inferno.

They paid him no mind except to trample over him, Gray and Erza spitting as they passed.

He tried to stand up, to follow them in an attempt to outrun the flames, but more people kept coming, kicking him back down into the dirt. He saw Lucy, who sneered and pointed, lips forming words he couldn’t hear over the roar of the fire.

The heat was almost unbearable, and he crawled forward, skin scraping against the ground.

The crowd disappeared as a deafening roar split the sky. Laxus looked up and saw the sky go dark, the sun’s light blocked by an immense form that rapidly fell to Earth. Landing with a force of an earthquake, Acnologia loomed over him, the sheer mass of him overwhelming.

“Coward, Traitor, Comrade Slayer!” the dragon hissed, his voice shaking the foundation of the ground beneath. “You will burn as she burned, and may you spend eternity with her screams!”

The dragon then opened his gaping maw and Laxus was consumed in flames.

* * *

 

Screaming himself hoarse, Laxus shot up in bed, sweat dripping down his bare back and chest. His heart hammered in his ribcage, not slowing until he took in the darkness of his bedroom and assured himself that he hadn’t just witnessed some depraved version of himself murder Natsumi.

The blonde took several deep breaths, trying to come down from the dizzying adrenaline high that had come upon him as he relived his deepest regrets only meeting the barest hint of success.

He noticed he’d kicked his sheets into a tangled mess at the foot of the bed, half hanging onto the floor. From the scope of the nightmare, he was honestly surprised that he hadn’t managed to inadvertently strangle himself while he’d been sleeping. Running a hand through limp, sweat soaked hair, he got up from the bed, knowing there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d get any more sleep, even if he wanted to.

Stripping out of his sweats, he stumbled into the bathroom and turned the shower on the highest setting it would go. He embraced the feeling of the scalding water pelting his skin, but even the pain couldn’t shake the afterimages of Natsumi’s unseeing eyes boring into his from his mind. The lightning mage hastily scrubbed the sweat from his body, trying to think of something, anything, to distract him from the memory.

Deciding he couldn’t stay in the stifling darkness of his apartment, Laxus hastily threw on whatever clothes his hands touched first and was out walking the street before he had time to think about it any further. Giving his body something physical to do usually helped him calm down, and tonight was no exception, the tension in his shoulders loosening as he made his way down the street, no specific destination in mind.

He wasn’t sure why his dreams had decided to take such a fucked up turn lately. He’d always had nightmares of his attempt to take over Fairy Tail, been haunted by the guilt of betraying his family and of nearly destroying his hometown. He’d thought he’d been doing a pretty good job of dealing with it, but he’d never been able to forgive himself for what he’d done to the little dragon slayer that day.

Logically he knew he was being ridiculous and that she could hold her own—and had. She and Gajeel had been the victors that day, even if had been due in part to his own inability to fully deploy Fairy Law. But he’d nearly killed her several times over, put her in bandages that nearly covered her from head to toe, and she’d _smiled_ at him when he’d come back to the guild the day of his excommunication. She’d smiled like they were still friends. Like she’d forgiven him.

He felt nauseous as he ambled down the street, fist shoved in his pockets. He’d been so close to becoming the monster he’d seen in his dream. If Gajeel hadn’t arrived when he did, he knew deep down that he would’ve killed her in his berserker rage and been forced to live with the consequences. He would’ve taken everything from her: her smile, her free will, her life, and it would’ve ended up killing him, too.

Even if he spent the rest of his life in service to Fairy Tail, he doubt he’d ever forgive himself for how close he’d come to being beyond redemption.  He’d already betrayed her trust and her friendship, as well as the one promise he’d made to her when they’d both still been kids.

 

_October 4, X778_

_Laxus cursed his grandfather for sending him out on babysitting duty. That pink-haired shrimp had only been at the guild for a few months and she managed to cause as much trouble as both the stripper kid and Erza combined. He thought it was stupid for him to have to go after her on a mission as inane as this. Finding a lost pet was literally child’s play—perfect for her—and she’d even had that freaky cat thing she’d hatched along with her. But no. She’d managed to ruin both her first solo job and Laxus’s evening simultaneously._

_He angrily stomped through the forest in the direction Gramps had said she’d gone to look when he heard the unmistakable voice of the biggest pain in his ass to ever exist._

_“If you want your hands on him, you’re going to have to go through me first!”_

_He rolled his eyes, but picked up his pace, wondering what she’d managed to get herself into this time as he heard another voice, a man’s, laugh._

_“I thought I was going to get my hands on the bird, but a flying cat isn’t something that you see every day. Hand it over and I’ll think about letting you keep all your fingers.”_

_“Happy’s not an ‘it,’ idiot! And like hell I’d ever let you take him! Fire Dragon’s Iron Fist!” she screamed, and he saw the telltale flash of red flame through the trees up ahead. Laxus cursed, breaking into a run. He burst through the trees into a clearing just as Natsumi got kicked into the dirt by a man three times her size._

_“Bad decision, little girl. I don’t take kindly to people getting in my way, and now you even drew out a witness,” he kicked again, knocking the air from her lungs. Laxus’s eyes widened when she got to her feet, still staring at the huge, greasy man with a look of pure malice._

_She didn’t say anything else. Without warning, she leapt into the air, arms unleashing twin streams of fire onto her enemy in a wing attack. They hit him, and he stumbled backwards, hitting the ground in a heap and not getting up. After a few seconds, Natsumi gave out a cheer and held her hands out to the cat, who flew into her arms. They cuddled before him, making him roll his eyes. They were going to pay up for making him come all this way just to waste his time watching them fight a lightweight._

_They were still embracing when he saw the man move out of the corner of his eye, so quickly he almost didn’t catch it. The blade raced straight to the celebrating dragon slayer and her cat, and Laxus didn’t think before he threw himself forward, tackling her out of the way as the right side of his face exploded in pain._

_Laxus acted on instinct, calling up a devastating blast of lightning from the hand that wasn’t clutching his face. He heard the man let out a gurgle as he dropped. He didn’t let up, continuing his assault until Natsumi yanked on his shirt._

_“Stop! You’re bleeding!”_

_He removed his hand from his eye with a hiss and saw that she was right. Blood covered his entire hand, and he felt warmth pour down his cheek and drip down his chin. He noted with detached surprise that he couldn’t see out of his right eye._

_“Oh God, Laxus, we’ve got to get back. You’re going to need like, a million stitches,” she said in a worried voice. She tugged on his clean arm, trying to get him to follow her, but he found himself getting dizzy with the loss of blood. With wide eyes, she threw his arm over her narrow shoulders and began to lead him back out of the forest to the guild._

_“Thank you for saving me. That knife probably would’ve killed me or Happy,” she whispered as she picked her way through the forest, him nearly bent in half as he leaned on her for support. He wondered if he’d killed that motherfucker. Part of him hoped he had._

_“I’m sorry you got hurt because of us,” she continued when he didn’t respond to her._

_“Yeah, whatever,” he mumbled, feeling dizzy. “Just don’t make me regret saving your ass, alright?”_

_“I won’t!” she said fiercely. ““I promised I’d get stronger so you’d fight me seriously, right? Well, now I’m promising to get even stronger than you, so you won’t ever have to get hurt protecting me! I’ll be able to protect you instead!”_

_He laughed, and he felt more blood gush beneath his t-shirt, which she’d tied over her his face as a makeshift bandage. “We’ll see about that,” he slurred. “But until then, I guess I’m going have to keep watching your back. There’s no point to any of your promises if you don’t live long enough to do any of that shit.”_

_“Alright,” she agreed. “But I’m not going to let you protect me forever!”_

_“We’ll see.”_

 

Laxus brought a hand to his face, tracing the familiar scar that cut into his eyebrow and down into the flesh of his cheek. At the time, he’d believed protecting her to have been a burden, and he’d been glad when she grew strong enough to look after herself, though he’d still thought of the scar as sort of a badge of honor.  Now, though, he wished the scar gone. These days it was hard to even look in the mirror without being reminded of just how much he’d screwed up. It was bad enough when his guild mates stared at him like some sort of oddity, like they were afraid he’d suddenly yell ‘Gotcha!’ and revert back to the person he’d been before expulsion. Even after the Grand Magic Games, it’d felt too easy to just come back into the fold and _be_. It made his skin crawl to get all the warmth and friendship he’d craved during his exile, especially from Natsumi, like it was some cosmic joke to suddenly possess everything he’d realized he wanted on a silver platter.

Because he did want it. Badly.

The universe must’ve really wanted to run its sense of humor into the ground, Laxus thought, when he realized he’d unconsciously ended up at the front gates of the guild hall. He sighed and moved to rest his head against the cool metal of the bars. He knew he probably still didn’t deserve to be home, but he couldn’t stop from being selfishly glad that he was.

Laxus gripped the bars on either side of his head, fighting the urge to childishly bang his head against the gate. He could handle—had been handling—the friendlier interactions people had with him since rejoining the guild, if pressed. With time, he knew he could probably even grow to forgive himself for his attempted coup, but he could never be comfortable with the way Natsumi just accepted him after everything. He couldn’t ever let her close because he was just as weak as he’d always accused everyone else of being. He couldn’t reconcile the guilt he felt with the need to be close to her. He shouldn’t want to be anywhere near the walking reminder of his monstrous past, but he did.

Laxus wanted everything she would give him, and that was the problem. He desperately wanted every smile, every half-baked retort, every bit of attention she gave. He craved it. And the weakest, most pathetic part of him knew that if she offered more, he’d want that, too. He wanted everything with her, and he hated himself for it. After everything, he knew he’d never deserve anything she offered him, no matter the form it took. But he knew he’d never stop hoping that he could, and because of that, he couldn’t go against her as an opponent ever again. He wouldn’t be able to handle hurting her a second time.

He supposed that was why his nightmares had finally stopped towing the line and leapt from miserable to fucking unbearable. The more insistent she got that he take her on, no holds barred, the more the memory of the uncontrollable, horrifying rage he’d felt that day bubbled to the surface, simmering under his skin. He didn’t want to think of himself as that person anymore, but part of him wondered if he still was, and Laxus feared that exile had only chained the monster instead of killing it entirely.

Fuck, his head hurt. He may have calmed down from the terror of his nightmare, but he was far from okay. Judging from how the moon was still high in the sky, he figured he’d only gotten a few hours of sleep, and Mirajane or Kinana wouldn’t be around to open the gates for hours. He let go of the bars and shoved his hands into his pockets, deciding to continue on. There was no use in hanging around like a creep.

He spent hours strolling through the empty streets, grateful for the opportunity to walk through his hometown without the stares of a bunch of nosy people that insisted on treating him like either a celebrity or pariah, even though he’d spent his entire life among them. He passed the deserted stalls of the market, idly fascinated at how such a normally lively place seemed almost eerie in the dead of night. The whole city seemed more ominous at night, and Laxus thought that he preferred it to its normal bustle, having spent enough time on his own to appreciate stillness when he could get it.

Despite the peace he’d managed to find in the empty streets, he soon felt fatigue creep into his body, slowing his stride and making his eyelids droop. The lightning wizard didn’t really want to sleep, given how well that was currently working for him, but he knew himself well enough to know that he couldn’t continue on much longer. His earlier panic had robbed him of his usual stamina, and fighting back would do him more harm than good.

The way back to his apartment was so familiar, he managed it on autopilot, reaching the small complex near the forest’s edge without incident. He slipped his key into the lock of the door and shouldered it open, immediately kicking off his shoes. Some part of his brain not completely robbed of its ability to form conscious thought was thankful for the overwhelming, panic-fueled fatigue. It meant he’d sleep hard, too tired to come up with any more fucked up delusions about killing his loved ones.

Sighing, he slipped back into bed just as the first rays of sunshine peaked in through the curtains. As he drifted off, his exhaustion finally letting him drift into unconsciousness, he decided that Natsumi would just have to find some other way to occupy her time. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—ever raise a hand to her again. Not that way. He’d done it once and she’d barely been able to walk afterwards. She’d never understand his reasons, never be able to accept why he couldn’t bring himself to face her again, so he wasn’t even going to try. It was better off in the long run if he stalled her long enough for her to lose interest. Maybe then the nightmares would finally ease and he’d get to keep what was left of his sanity.

* * *

 

 

He was still tired when he rolled into the guild early that afternoon. His earlier reaffirmations were tested almost immediately when Natsumi’s head snapped in his direction, as if she’d been waiting for him to enter. Knowing her, she probably had. She marched up to him, demanding to spar, and grew visibly enraged when he denied her once again. He pedaled his standard excuses off on her—telling her he didn’t have time and had at least 80 pounds on her. Laxus watched her turn a more and more alarming shade of red as he went on.

She opened her mouth, and he braced himself for another tirade when Lucy and Gray appeared behind her, each grabbing an elbow, and hauled her out of the guild, babbling something about finding a job for the day. As they left, she screamed at him, warning him that he better be ready next time. He didn’t doubt her, but that didn’t stop him from hoping she’d just let it go.

He sighed and headed to the bar. Maybe food would help distract him from the way his life seemed to be spiraling out of control these days.

Mira raised an eyebrow at him as he took a seat, but only wordlessly took his order. At least, that’s what he thought. The minute he plowed into his burger, she was on him, that half-suspicious, half-smug look of hers plastered on her face.

“Rough night?” she asked him, taking in the prominent dark circles under his bloodshot eyes.

He shrugged. There didn’t seem to be any use in hiding it, not when a blind guy could see how shitty he looked.

“Didn’t get much sleep,” he said simply, hoping she’d drop it.

But he knew Mira, and she was just like everyone else in this damn guild. She couldn’t stand to leave trouble alone.

“Does this have anything to do with a certain pink-haired dragon slayer? About yea high?” she laughed, holding her hand to her chin.

He shushed her through a mouthful of burger. Swallowing, he glared at the barmaid.

“Why don’t you talk louder so that they hear you in the rafters?” Seriously, did no one here ever bother with whispering? Or subtlety? Or even basic privacy?

She rolled her eyes at him. “Oh, please. Look around, it’s empty here. It’s the end of the month, so everyone’s taking last minute jobs to catch up on rent. It’s lucky for you that Lucy and Natsumi are always behind on theirs, since it saved you today.”

True to her word, the guild really was empty. Sneaking a glance behind him, there were only a few chronic request wafflers still at the request board, and he thought he saw someone’s feet sticking out from a table in the corner, but other than that, there didn’t seem to be another soul on the bottom floor. At that realization, he let himself relax, slouching down against the bar counter in relief.

“Thank fuck for that,” he sighed. He really hadn’t been prepared to face her again today, even though he knew it’d been a near certainty.

The corners of Mira’s mouth turned down. “Are you alright? I know Natsumi’s been getting on your nerves, but this isn’t like you. Showing up late, not sleeping properly, I mean. And where’s your team?”

“Home? I don’t know. And I’m fine, it’s just been…weird, recently.”

“Everyone’s getting worried about you. I know things have been different since the Games, but you’ve never been one to back away from a direct challenge from anyone. Wait!” her blue eyes widened as she mentally flipped through Laxus’s extensive history of dispatching opponents. “You never fought against Natsumi, did you? Even when we were kids, you never let her.” He mouth dropped open in realization. “So that means the only time you fought was at the Harv—”

“That’s enough, Mira,” he cut her off in a stiff voice, not liking how she’d hit the nose on the head with so little effort. He knew Mira was perceptive, she’d always been, but he wasn’t going to get into this with the gossip queen of the whole damn guild.

“Is that why you’ve been so agitated? You feel guilty?” she asked in a gentle tone.

“I said drop it,” he said through gritted teeth, clutching the edge of the counter with one hand.

Her concerned expression froze, then shifted into a fierce glare.

“No, I won’t drop it. You’re worrying everyone and you don’t seem to care. It’s even affecting Natsumi! Have you ever seen her consistently angry at anyone like this before? Because none of us have. Lucy came to me this morning to ask if I had any advice because she’s worried sick about her. If you want to be a brooding mess, than that’s your business, but this is bigger than you, Laxus, and it’s high time you start noticing it.” She lectured him, pointing at him with a piece of flatware she’d been polishing.

“It’s not my problem if the little shit can’t learn to deal with being told no,” he grumbled, disturbed but not cowed by Mira’s reprimand.

“You and I both know it’s not about that, so stop playing stupid. She thinks you don’t respect her; that you don’t think she’s good enough to bother with, and it’s really getting to her. You don’t live in a vacuum, and it’s about time you start owning up to the consequences of how you treat her.”

He froze at her implication.

“Don’t fucking lecture me about facing consequences, Mira. You try spending a year in exile and then you can talk to me about goddamn consequences. Look, I’m sorry she thinks that, but I can’t really help it. I’m not going to fight her, and that’s final.” Mira didn’t have any right to act like he was some sort of walking middle finger to Natsumi’s existence. She was the one that kept coming to him, not the other way around. Plus, he was already facing the consequences of what he’d done. If she knew the extent, maybe she’d be worrying about him instead of Natsumi—not like it really mattered. He’d take his current lot any day if it meant he never had to be faced with a repeat of what he’d done to her all those years ago.

Mira sighed. “I know you don’t think any of those things, but she doesn’t. Why don’t you just tell her the real reason? That you feel guilty?”

Laxus pushed away his half-eaten meal, no longer feeling any sort of appetite. “Because I don’t want to. Plus, you know Nat. She wouldn’t understand, anyway.”

“I don’t think you give her enough credit. She’s one of the most forgiving people I know,” the barmaid smiled, trying to encourage him. It just made him feel nauseous. “You have to know that she was over the fight the minute it ended, right? She’d never hold it against you.”

“That’s not the point! Knowing she forgave me doesn’t make any difference.” He couldn’t begin to explain to her why the thought of Natsumi’s forgiveness made him feel so sick, and he wasn’t going to try.

She put a hand on her hip, leaning towards him from behind the bar. “Why not?”

“Because it won’t change anything. It still happened, and nothing I do can change it.” No matter how much he wished he could.

The barmaid was confused, not understanding his logic. “Why can’t you just accept her forgiveness like you have with everyone else and move on? Maybe sparring will give you the chance to put it behind you.”

“I’m _never_ going to hurt her again.” He’d die before he did. It was just as much for his own wellbeing as well as Natsumi’s that he not engage her again. He knew he wouldn’t be able to take it.

“Laxus, no one said anything about hurting her. I know accidents happen, but she’s strong. Resilient, as well.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m not taking that chance.”

He was infuriating, but his stubborn words didn’t match his body language. “Why are you taking it this far? I know you feel guilty, but this is extreme, especially for a comrade that doesn’t even hold a grudge in the first place.” Laxus shifted in his seat, his fist clenched and an uncomfortable, pained expression on his handsome face.

“I’d take making her unhappy over making her dead any day.”

Mira looked at him as he spoke, watching his expression darken and his shoulders tense. Before her very eyes, he was confirming the suspicions that she’d had since the Magic Games before. It was written all over the dark circles under his eyes, in the sullen way he carried himself, in the guilty expression at the mention of him causing Natsumi pain.

“You care about her,” she concluded. The blonde man reeled back, nearly falling out of his seat in the process. He looked at her with huge eyes, and she fought the urge to laugh, knowing that if she was going to help him, she couldn’t make light of the situation.

“Jesus! What? No. Why would—”

“Laxus!” she stopped his blustering, but continued on in a quiet tone. “It’s pretty obvious, now that I think about it. I thought it might be something like this, but I’m actually kind of disappointed in myself for never putting the pieces together. Growing up, I knew that you had a soft spot for her, even when you couldn’t stand anyone else.” It was true. Laxus had always been so closed off. Mira herself had been closest in age to him once she joined the guild, and they’d had a sort of kinship in that, but he’d never seriously confided in her. Mira supposed that had been due to her abrasive personality and her constant teasing about him being Natsumi’s babysitter. After Lisanna disappeared and she no longer wanted to go on missions, he’d stopped talking to her completely, and it was only after his reinstatement that they began to rebuild their friendship.

Looking back, though, she realized that the seeds of whatever Laxus was feeling had taken root long ago. Injuring Natsumi so badly during his coup must have weighed heavily on the lightning mage, and Mira felt her heart go out to him. She briefly wondered if this was similar to what Elfman went through when they thought he’d killed their little sister. Her brother still had nightmares, despite the fact that she was safe and sound.

The man across from her couldn’t believe what he was hearing. If he was that transparent, who else would be connecting the dots? He knew Natsumi would never, at least not on her own, but Lucy was smart. Would she tell her?

Seeing the worry fill his eyes, Mira reassured him. “It’s alright. I’m not going to tell anyone, but you need to tell Natsumi. She deserves to know the real reason you won’t fight her, otherwise she’s going to keeping believing that you think she’s weak.” And the Takeover mage knew that would eat at Natsumi. He at least owed her the honesty that he showed everyone else.

“That’s literally one of the most stupid ideas I’ve ever heard. And Bickslow’s had some stinkers,” he said once he reigned in his shock.

 “But you care about her! Laxus, you _love_ her! That’s not something you can just try to pass over. She knows something’s wrong, and she’s going to keep wondering until you tell her.”

“I’m not telling her shit. And neither are you,” he glared at her, waving a fork of his own in her face to make sure she got the point. She scoffed and batted it out of the way.

“Name one good reason why you can’t tell her,” Mira challenged him, eyebrows raised.

“She’s basically a kid, and I’m not a fucking creep.”

The white-haired woman openly laughed at that, not bothering to try and control her laughter when he was being so ridiculous. “You’re five years apart, Laxus, not fifty. I’m pretty sure Natsumi is old enough to make her own decisions, even if she doesn’t always act like it. It’s insulting to try and decide what’s best for other people, you know.”

“Even if she could make that call, she wouldn’t. You know how she is. She’d just laugh it off or not understand it in the first place,” he shrugged. Though that wasn’t his main reason, he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it in moments of weakness. She knew she was attached to everybody. Hell, she fought like a demon on behalf of Fairy Tail. He knew she loved them all, but he wasn’t so sure if she could _love_ anyone the way that most people seemed to be able to. Whether that was due to her maturity level or just her personality, he didn’t know.

Mira scoffed. “We’re making progress, but try again. But for the record, don’t go assuming you know what goes on in people’s heads just because they act a certain way. You don’t know if she thinks about that or not, and it’s not fair to reduce her to some infantile stereotype just to make yourself feel better—or worse.”

She didn’t let him protest, stopping the retort on his lips with a sharp raise of her hand. He wasn’t going to interrupt her. No one else would tell him this, and he needed to hear it so he could get it through his thick skull.

“I think you’re scared. What if she accepts you? I don’t want to deny how guilty you feel and how afraid you are of hurting her again, but she’s not a porcelain doll. No one in Fairy Tail is, but probably least of all Natsumi. You’re using all this as an excuse to run away from what’s bothering you so you can pretend it’ll go away. You’re scared of rejection…but you’re also scared of her returning your feelings.”

“Don’t tell me what I think. You don’t know shit, Mira, so get off your high horse,” he bit out, tired of her lecturing. At this point, he’d maybe chance another tongue lashing from Natsumi, for all the good this was doing him. “I’m out of here,” he got up, not looking back at the She-Devil. “Tell the team I’m at home if they come by looking for me.”

“Don’t walk away just because you’ve run out of excuses!” she called, contemplating throwing something at his rapidly retreating figure, but thinking better of it. She’d renounced violence unless absolutely necessary, and while Laxus was obnoxious and evasive, it wasn’t worth it.

As she watched him walk away, she sighed, hanging her head. She just wished Laxus would listen to reason instead of just plowing on ahead with his unilateral decisions like they didn’t affect anyone else. The sooner he learned to stop deciding things for other people, the better off he’d be. Judging by his current behavior, however, that would still be a long time coming. She just hoped Natsumi wouldn’t suffer too much while he figured it out.

The lightning mage was looking forward to chalking up the day to his poor night’s sleep when a booming voice called out to him just as he approached the guild exit.

“Laxus!” he turned at the voice of his grandfather, and turned to see him emerging from the basement.

“What, Old Man?”

“You heard what Mira said. Get your act together!” So the old bastard had been eavesdropping. That was perfect. With his luck, everyone would be jumping down his throat about it by tomorrow morning. Shuddering at the thought, he contemplated the merits of faking sick for a few days, reputation be damned.

However, he felt himself unable to respond with anything other than his standard defensiveness. “I don’t go sticking my nose into your business. Leave me alone.” Laxus didn’t even bother to raise his voice. He was tired and guilty, and he didn’t want to hear anybody else tell him just how badly he was screwing up when he already damn well knew that. Without waiting for his grandfather to say anything else, he pushed open the guild doors and walked out into fading afternoon sunlight, not looking back.

Makarov watched his grandson depart with a frowned etched on his aging face. That good-for-nothing grandson of his was hopeless. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why he’d been so out of sorts, and Makarov knew that if Laxus didn’t resolve his issues with Natsumi, he was heading for another huge disaster.

“I’m sorry, Master. I tried,” Mira apologized, frowning at the doors Laxus had disappeared behind.

“I know you did, and thank you for talking to him. If it’d been me, he wouldn’t have even come clean about his feelings. Don’t take it too personally. I swear, that stubborn brat is more troublesome than any of the rest of you combined. He’s the reason I lost my hair!”

Mira laughed, but it was hollow. She couldn’t shake the feeling that Laxus stood on the precipice of something important. Shaking her head, she got back to work organizing the dinner menu for that night, silently hoping that when the time came to face whatever was in store, Laxus would make the right decision.


	3. The Hottest Mess, in More Ways than One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Natsumi has absolutely zero chill and Laxus is a horrible decision-maker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the roller coaster begins. Enjoy!

**The Hottest Mess, in More Ways than One**

Natsumi hadn’t slept that night, nor had she eaten. Despite Lucy’s repeated attempts to mother hen her, she’d been inconsolable after being pulled away from Laxus the day before. She knew that Lucy and Gray were trying to distract her, and that had only made her angrier. In a rare fit of temper, she managed to burn down one of the silos at the farm they’d been tasked with clearing encroaching wolves from, and they’d lost their entire reward as a result.

Lucy would have been enraged at the loss, since this was the second time in a row they’d be late on rent, but one look at her friend brought her back down to Earth. Natsumi hadn’t stopped trembling, nor had her face relaxed into the easy grin she was known for. For the first time since she’d known her, Lucy had been afraid of the small dragon slayer. Gray and Happy luckily noticed her foul mood as well and kept their mouth shut about both the job and the real reason for Natsumi’s temper.

It’d made for an awkward trip home, for sure.

For Natsumi, it felt like she was one word shy of boiling over. She couldn’t remember when she’d felt so angry, so insulted, so _betrayed_. If she’d been thinking more clearly, she would have felt guilty for flubbing the mission and putting her friends through so much trouble, but all she could see was red. Laxus’s words bounced around in her head like a broken record, telling her she was weak and small and stupid in his sneering voice.

She’d make him see that she was serious. If he refused to treat her like a true mage and comrade, she’d show him just how strong she’d become.

After a sleepless night spent pacing the floor of her room, and after ignoring the wide-eyed looks of both her roommates, she left the apartment that morning without a word, stomping down the familiar streets that would take her to the object of her fury.

 

* * *

 

She threw open the guild doors with a blast of flames, and everyone’s eyes shot to her. Her eyes frantically moved from the bar to the banister of the set floor to the stage, and her heartbeat sped up when they landed on the tall, muscular form of the blonde lightning mage.

Paying her guild mates’ confused looks no mind, she marched toward Laxus, who refused to meet her gaze. That was fine, she decided. She knew he’d try to play the coward just like he always did. But today, she wasn’t going to let him.

She approached his table near the stage silently, unblinking. The three Thunder Legion mages looked at her with amused stares, Bickslow barely managing to suppress his laughter. Natsumi ignored them, facing their leader with her shoulders square and her head high, although her hands clenched into tight fists at her sides.

Facing away from her, Laxus didn’t acknowledge her presence. After several seconds, Natsumi snapped and shot forward, hooking one of her feet behind the legs of his chair, jerking it away from his table and forcing him to face her.

“I’m giving you one last chance,” she growled at him, teeth barely managing to grind out the words in her anger. “Fight. Me. Now.”

He only stared at her evenly, and she felt her blood boil when she realized he wasn’t looking her in the eyes, but at her chin.

“Answer me, you spineless bastard!” she bellowed and reached for him, hauling his considerable weight up by the collar of his shirt so their faces almost touched.

Her head felt like it swam with fire, and she couldn’t think of anything other than how she wanted to punish him, to make him feel as small as she felt every time he looked down on her. But he only continued to stare at her blankly.

She felt herself lose control, her limbs moving on their own as she wound back and socked him as hard as she could in the face, feeling a sickening crunch under her fist. Her hand tingled at the contact, but she didn’t let go of her hold on him. When his face turned back to look at her again, he was still calm, though blood poured from his nose and down his chin.

The Thunder Legion was shouting at her, but she didn’t turn to look at them. She only stared, fixated by Laxus who, even though his nose was probably broken, was still intent on giving her one last insult. He broke their eye contact, letting himself stay firmly in her hold, to nod at his teammates, telling them to stand down.

That was the last straw for Natsumi. The draconic rage within her completely took over, and she let out a shriek that echoed off the walls of the guild. Her entire body ignited, and both her and Laxus were consumed in the ensuing inferno. Before anyone could stop her, she attacked, putting all of her titanic strength into throwing Laxus across the room.

He flew.

The lightning mage struck the wall with such force that he careened through the entire structure, shooting out the other side and crashing into the paved surface of the courtyard. With a hiss, he stood up, slightly shaky from the herculean feat the small dragon slayer had managed to accomplish.

Natsumi emerged from the hole she’d created, burning with both rage and her own flames. With another war cry, she launched herself at him, pummeling him with her fist. She howled with rage when he made no move to block or strike back, even though she left herself open for a counter several times over.

“Fight back, coward!” she howled at him. The girl seized him once more by the collar and brought his head down, slamming her own against the front of his skull in a vicious head butt.

He saw stars, but didn’t return with a blow of his own. Laxus only stumbled back and caught himself before he fell once more.

 “Do you hear me?! I said fight back!” She shot out with another kick, catching him straight in the gut. The blonde wheezed, but it was the follow up to the sternum that had him doubling over.

Natsumi was far passed the point of thinking. Only her uncontrollable fury drove her forward, lashing out with all the power in her small frame; power that had taken down dark guild masters and dragon slayers alike. She would make him see. She would make him pay.

Grabbing his arm, she yanked it forward, throwing him over her hip and sending him back to the ground. She felt his arm give as she twisted, and he cried out, the first noise he’d bothered to give her sense she entered the guild.

“How am I supposed to get stronger if you don’t let me?!” Natsumi screeched at him, looking down at Laxus’s prone form as he brought a hand to his shoulder. He sat up slowly, but she landed a kick to his jaw that sent him back down.

In some part of her brain not covered by the animalistic urge to _punish_ and _destroy_ , she wondered why her target was blurring before her, only to realize with a jolt that she was crying. With one hand feverishly scrubbing at her eyes, she kicked him again. How dare he make her feel guilty!

“How can I be worthy of your respect if you don’t let me earn it!” she shouted at him to cover up the rising volume of her own conscience. This was his fault! He brought this on himself! He thought she was a sniveling child that couldn’t hold her own in a pinch. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t fighting back. If he wanted to be beat within an inch of his life, then she’d make him feel the full force of a dragon’s anger.

“Goddamn you,” she sobbed out, kicking him again, tears running down her face when he only groaned, but didn’t pick himself off the ground.

_How dare he? How dare you do this to me? How dare you betray me?_

She towered over the bulky man lying on the ground. Blood still poured out his nose and his left arm was limp underneath him, but still she kicked him. Over and over, until she couldn’t see past her tears.

“You bastard. I’ll never forgive you for this.” And she wouldn’t. Not now and not ever. Laxus, after bearing the full force of a rampaging Natsumi, slipped quietly into unconsciousness. This went unnoticed by his berserk attacker, who only saw his hazy form go still. Taking it as a sign of his continued refusal to get up and accept the power of her wrath, she broke once more.

“I’ll never forgive you!” She screamed, voice high through her tears. Vision blurred, she readied another attack, only to be hit from the side with the force of a small army. An iron grip restrained her when she landed several yards away from Laxus with the breath knocked out of her.   
      “Gray, get the Thunder Legion and take Laxus to the infirmary. Lucy, go find Wendy.” Erza’s voice commanded from above her. Natsumi didn’t try to struggle against her hold, knowing it’d be useless even if she wanted to escape. She felt no compulsion to fight anymore. The surprise of the attack had snapped her back to reality, and she sobbed anew, face pressed against the pavement. Gone was all her self-righteous fury and her bloodthirsty need to break Laxus down to the size she felt. All that was left was shame. Shame for her actions against a guild member, and shame for letting her anger get the best of her. But most of all, she felt ashamed because she’d only proven him right. She’d been stupid and weak and childish.

“Are you done with this nonsense?” Erza said, although her grip didn’t loosen.

Natsumi could only gag through her wrecked sobs, barely managing a nod.

“I’m going to let you up now. If you try to run or struggle, you will receive no mercy from me. Do you understand?” the older girl asked.

Natsumi’s chest hurt, just as much from her sobs as from how Erza’s knee was pressing her into the ground. She couldn’t respond verbally, still too inconsolable to offer a yes or no to the question, but she felt the pressure on her back let up regardless.

For several long moments, Natsumi didn’t want to get up. She wanted to be swallowed up by the ground by the sheer force of the guilt she felt. All of her rage turned inward. She’d lived her entire life devoted to her family, her comrades, and she was no better than Laxus had been at his worst.

“Come, Natsumi. Lying on the ground won’t make you feel any better. Master wants to see you.”

Taking in a long, wavering breath, Natsumi stood up. Her legs felt shaky, and she still thought she might throw up at any moment. She wiped at her face, trying to quell the tears that rained down her face, but failed.

Wordlessly, she followed the Requip mage back into the guild and up the stairs, where the Master was waiting in his office.

“Thank you, Erza. You may leave us now,” Gramps said as both he and a crying Natsumi took their seats.

The scarlet haired woman merely nodded and exited the room, shutting the door behind her. Gramps sighed then, sinking into his chair.

He took in the sight of Natsumi across from him. The girl was barely holding it together, and he could tell she was trying to face him bravely and accept her punishment with honor. That little brat made it so difficult to be mad. But rules were rules, and he wasn’t about to give special treatment to the girl just because he admired her resolve.

“I’m sure you know what you’re here for,” he began. Natsumi nodded, taking in a deep breath.

“Am I going to be exiled?” she asked quietly. He would’ve laughed if not for the heartbroken, resigned expression on her face as she looked at her right shoulder, at the guild mark she’d had for most of her life.

She actually thought he was going to expel her.

Makarov huffed, his mustache twitching. “Of course not. For one, this situation is completely unlike the Harvest Festival, and therefore doesn’t warrant expulsion. You didn’t threaten the guild at large, nor did you almost destroy the entirety of Magnolia. You even challenged an opponent capable of defending himself.”

When she sank with relief in her chair, he glared. “But don’t think for a second you’re getting off that easily, missy!” He warned her, and she looked contrite once more. At least she didn’t look like she was about to cry, he thought. He wasn’t good with dealing with criers, and it was a more than a little disturbing to see someone like Natsumi so compromised in the first place.

“I don’t find anything about your behavior acceptable or excusable, despite not being worthy of expulsion. Just because my stupid grandson let himself get beaten half to death doesn’t excuse your malicious and reckless actions. I know the situation with Laxus has been difficult for you—and if you talk to him, you might see that it’s been the same for him—but you’re an adult. It’s time you learn some self-control.”

She nodded, her head hanging in shame once more.

“As for your punishment,” he continued, watching her shoulders stiffen. “You’ll be paying for the damage to the building, as well as having your job earnings garnished for your next several jobs. In addition to the standard five percent guild cut, you’ll be handing over an extra thirty as penalty for your actions. Maybe stretching your food budget will teach you not to throw people through walls.”

Natsumi nodded, grateful that he hadn’t decided to make her do something weird like a punishment game or manual slave labor. She knew Lucy would be furious with her, since the celestial mage would have to pick up slack for their rent, but it could’ve been worse. She still felt terrible, but having time to sit and deal with her emotions made it more bearable. No longer feeling like she was going to be sick, she allowed herself to think of what she’d have to do next.

When she thought of facing Laxus again, a small ember of her anger rekindled. She regretted what she’d done, for sure. When he didn’t fight back, she should’ve known something was wrong, but he’d still treated her with as much disrespect as any guild member ever had, and Master seemed to agree with her. But she dreaded having to look at him, knowing that there was something wrong enough to make him let her nearly kill him.

Between the guilt for hurting him, the anxiety of seeing him again, and the last remnants of self-righteous wrath, she knew that she wasn’t looking forward to what lay ahead.

* * *

 

 

The feeling of a feather being dragged across his face woke Laxus up, and he sneezed.

            Which hurt. A lot.

            “Please try to stay still,” chimed a sweet voice from above him, and he opened his eyes to Wendy’s smiling face, soothing despite her youthfulness. “Sorry about that. I should’ve pulled my hair back before tending to you.” The young girl leaned back to give him space to examine his surroundings. Laxus was briefly confused as he realized he was on one of the standard-issue infirmary beds, stripped to the waist and covered with a soft, white sheet.

            All of the memories of the fight came rushing to the forefront of his mind, and he groaned. He’d fucked up, he knew, but it’d seemed like the only thing he could have done at the time. It only took one look at her to know she was on the warpath. Hell, she’d looked like a goddamn avenging angel, with her eyes full of fury and her hair flying behind her. She’d threatened to unleash holy hell on him, and she’d delivered in spades. He’d known she was powerful, having been witness to her taking down countless powerful adversaries, himself included, but she was much more powerful than she’d been the last time he faced her, and she hadn’t even used any advanced spells on him just now. She hadn’t been kidding when she said she’d grown.

            Judging by the pain radiating through his entire body, she’d done a number on him. And he’d deserved it. He hadn’t intended for it to go this far, nor had he had it in mind, but something in him settled at having been so thoroughly trounced—albeit willingly—by Natsumi. He’d gotten comeuppance for all the shit he’d put her through before, and though it was fucked up, he felt lighter than he had before.

            “Laxus? Do you understand me?” Wendy asked him, concerned by the faraway look in his eyes. He focused on her and nodded. “Oh, good,” she smiled. “I was afraid you might have a concussion, but judging by how your pupils are responding to light, you’re probably fine on that front.”

            She gave him a once over, and frowned.

            “Unfortunately, there are other things to worry about. You’ve got a few bruised ribs and some pretty serious burns on your arms. I’m pretty sure your nose was broken, but I set it for you while you were unconscious. I was surprised that you didn’t wake up for that.”

            He tried to shrug and tell her he’d slept through worse when a severe pain in his shoulder made him hiss.

            “Natsumi dislocated your shoulder, and I couldn’t reposition it while you were asleep. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to get that over with.”

            Jesus, he knew Natsumi had messed him up, but he hadn’t expected it to be this bad. He just hoped he wouldn’t be out of commission for too long, even if he deserved it. Even Laxus Dreyar had bills to pay.

            “Yeah, sure. Let’s get to it,” he agreed, knowing what came next was going to hurt like a bitch.

            Wendy nodded, face determined but unworried as she stepped toward him once more. With professionalism far exceeding her twelve years, she grasped his left arm and without warning, expertly popped his shoulder back in. He gasped out a sharp “Fuck!” but it’d happened so quickly, he’d been distracted from the pain. Looking at the young dragon slayer, he realized she’d acted so quickly on purpose.

            “Thanks,” he told her, impressed with her competency.

            She smiled and laughed at his gratitude, waving a hand at him. “It wasn’t anything. I wish I could do more, but Master gave me orders to only heal life threatening injuries. He said something about ‘fools that purposefully expose themselves to injury should have to deal with the aftermath the old fashioned way.’”

            He grimaced, but nodded his understanding. “He say anything else?”

            “Not really. He seemed pretty mad that you let Natsumi hurt you when you could’ve just as easily nullified her attacks, though,” she shrugged, but didn’t ask any questions about his motives. Not that he had answers for her. He wasn’t sure whether her consideration came from a genuine sense of politeness or just out of fear, but he appreciated it all the same. He’d get more than enough nosiness from everyone else, he was sure.

            “Speaking of life threatening injuries, though,” she continued, gesturing to the burnt undersides of each of his arms, where he’d eventually tried to protect his face from Natsumi’s flamed blows. “These burns are pretty severe, but they shouldn’t scar over so long as they don’t get infected. It’s going to be painful, but you have to keep them clean and dry.” The girl rattled off instructions on how to care for his injuries as she bandaged him up. When she finished, she bowed and dismissed herself, giving him another shy smile and an order to rest as she left the room.

            He leaned back into the softness of the bed, intent on heeding the girl’s orders, when the door to the infirmary slammed open and the She-Devil of Fairy Tail appeared in all of her terrible glory, the softness of Mirajane Strauss nowhere to be found on the demon’s face.

            “I told you,” she intoned in a voice devoid of all sympathy. “I told you to think about what you were doing and _this_ is what happens?” she came to stand by his bed and gestured to his bandaged form.

            “Look, Mira, I—” he began, trying to explain to her how yeah, it definitely sucked to be lying here, but that he actually felt better, when she shushed him with something akin to a growl.

            “You brought this on yourself, and now Natsumi has to live with what she’s done to you. You should know better than anyone how painful hurting someone you care about is, so I hope you’re happy,” she told him, her blue eyes icy.

            He hadn’t thought about it that way. If the lightning mage was being honest with himself, he didn’t think Natsumi would feel guilty at all. Why should she? He was the one that was acting like an asshole. When he told her as such, she poked him hard in the side, and he gasped in pain.

            “You are the world’s biggest idiot! Did you think that Natsumi, who lives and breathes for everyone here, would be alright with this? She’s far from innocent this time, but it would have been so easy for you to end it before it began.” He didn’t want to admit that she was right, but when it came to Mira, she usually was. This was no different. He shifted to prop himself up on his pillows as she continued, wincing as his bruised ribs shifted.

            “You wanted to punish yourself, but that wasn’t your decision to make,” she continued, not finished with her tirade. “You made her suffer right along with you, so you better tell her the truth about why you’ve been behaving this way when she comes in here, and we both know she will.”

            Laxus sighed. “And how the hell am I supposed to do that? I can apologize to her, but—”  
            “I don’t know and I don’t care, Laxus,” Mira said, sticking her hands on her hips and shifting back into some semblance of her normal self. “But you owe it to her and to yourself. You created this mess and it’s your responsibility to fix it. And you love her, right?”

            He didn’t say anything, but she took his strict refusal to meet her gaze as confirmation. “You want her to be happy?” She clarified.

            “Of course. I didn’t think she’d care so much, to be honest.”

            “Let this be a lesson to not underestimate her capacity to feel, then. I just hope she forgives you. She’s been miserable enough lately, and we all have you to thank for that. Not that you’ve been doing a great job of being normal yourself,” she quipped.

            Then, the barmaid straightened her dress and made to depart, having said all she needed to say to the dense lightning mage. On her way out, she stopped in the doorway and looked back.

            “Please do what I say this time, alright? Don’t screw it up.”

            And then Laxus was alone in the expansive infirmary. He knew he should try to get some sleep, especially since he really did feel like shit, but he couldn’t; not when he’d managed to get himself into another mess. When she’d come at him so violently, he’d felt relief. By accepting her punishment, it felt like he was finally able to let go of some of the guilt he’d been living with since he nearly killed her all that time ago. But now he’d just inflicted that same thing onto her. He wasn’t sure he would, or could, forgive himself if he were her, but he realized that he had to follow Mira’s advice this time, otherwise there really would be nothing left to fix.

            Despite this new worry, he managed to doze off, too exhausted from his wounds to keep his eyes open.

* * *

 

 

He wasn’t sure how long he slept for, but he didn’t have the cottony, disgusting taste in his mouth that he got when he slept for more than an hour in the middle of the day, so he figured it hadn’t been long. Moreover, he heard voices outside of the infirmary. He could tell Mira was there, as well as the smarmy voice of that stupid blue cat. Worst of all, however, was the voice of Natsumi.

            The door opened, and the pink-haired girl was pushed in, the door shutting with a definitive click behind her.

            He watched her freeze several feet from the foot of his bed, then stare at him. His skin prickled with the heaviness of her gaze. Trying not to let his discomfort show, he stared back, watching her wring the ends of her scarf with her fingers and shift her weight from one foot to another.

            After several seconds of deeply awkward silence, he spoke.

            “Hey,” he said, his voice rough in the stillness of the room.

            “Hey,” she parroted, but made no move to step closer or say anything else.

            Well this was going well, he thought. Should he just get on with it and apologize? Or should he explain himself? He didn’t think she’d like either option, considering how pissed she’d been, but then what did he know?

“Wendy told me how bad off you are,” she began, surprising him with the evenness of her voice. “I didn’t think…I didn’t think you’d actually let me hit you. And when you didn’t do anything I just got so _angry_. I should have stopped, and I’m sorry for that.” She dropped her scarf to stand firm before him, back straight with hands at her sides. “But I’m still angry. I know I shouldn’t be, and I was wrong to do what I did, but I can’t forgive you just because you let me hurt you.”

“Nat,” he sighed. “I’m sorry, too.”

She scoffed, crossing her arms in front of her. “Yeah? For what?” Her eyes narrowed at him, and he tensed, confused.

“For putting you through this? I never wanted you to feel guilty about putting me in here or anything.” Laxus shrugged, but winced again as his recently relocated shoulder ached in protest. He’d have to flag down Wendy for some ice.

Natsumi’s mouth dropped open in shock, eyes going wide for one brief moment before she collected herself. “You think I’m angry because you made me feel _guilty_?” she hissed through her teeth, glaring.

“Yes?” He couldn’t stop himself from phrasing all his replies as questions. Nor could he stop the sinking feeling he was digging himself a hole, judging from her reactions.

She growled, kicking a chair beside one of the other beds. It scooted several feet away, and Natsumi took another deep breath.

“I’m not angry because you let me hurt you, idiot! Well, I was at the time, but that wasn’t what I was angry about in the first place! I feel guilty because I let myself go off like that, but that has nothing to do with you!”

“Then what do you want me to say, Nat?”

“I want you to tell me why you won’t fight me! The real reason! Not some excuse about being too busy, or too tired, or that I’m not fucking tall enough!” Her eyes flashed, and he knew she meant business. She may have calmed down from the unthinking, unseeing rage that she’d first attacked him in, but she was far from serene. Sighing, he looked away, gazing at the curtains draped around the unused beds.

He didn’t want to take Mira’s advice, but he didn’t want to have to deal with this anymore, either. Natsumi was making him desperate, and he felt constantly unbalanced and out of sorts. Mira had said to tell her the truth, but would it make her happy? He hoped that maybe if he finally let the count out of the bag, she’d give up trying to wrestle him into a match.

Well, he thought. Here goes nothing.

Looking back at her, he took in a deep breath, not giving himself any more time to think, lest he lose his nerve.

“I won’t fight you because,” he took another deep breath, preparing.

Natsumi’s eyes widened, surprised that he was giving in so easily.

“I won’t fight you because I care about you, alright?” Laxus said in a single, fast breath, refusing to meet her eyes again.

She blinked.

Laxus expected her to shout at him, to come to him, to _say_ something, anything. But he hadn’t expected silence. His eyes slid back to the dragon slayer, whose hands had dropped once more to her sides.

“Of course you care about me. We’re guild mates,” she said simply, too confused to feel any other emotion.

“God damn it,” he spit, rolling his eyes at her obliviousness. Now that he thought about it, he should’ve expected this from her. It looked like he was going to have to spell it out in giant, glowing letters to get it through her skull.

“I don’t want to fight you just because we’re guild mates. It’s because I love you.”

She still wore that blank look, and Laxus cursed again.

“Love?” she asked. He palmed his face in frustration, careful not to aggravate the burns on his arm.

Trying to be patient with her, he kept his tone non-confrontational. “Yes.”

“Me?” she pointed to herself, as if there was anyone else in the room for him to be talking about. “Like… _love_ love?”

“Fucking hell. Yes, that kind of love.” It was killing him to have to repeat this over and over when he hadn’t been planning on tell her, well, ever. It’d been his weak little indulgence, and now she knew.

But apparently that wasn’t enough for her.

“…Are you sure?” Her cherry blossom hair fell sloppily around her shoulders as she tilted her head even further. And despite how his heartbeat stuttered at how beautiful she looked at that moment, he couldn’t stop his own temper from rising. She was being so stupid, and it was pissing him off.

“Yes, I’m sure that I fuckin’ love you. Jesus, what else do you want from me?”

She laughed then, but it was without humor. Her pink eyebrows lowered, returning to their earlier glower. “I want you to stop joking around and tell me the truth.”

“I’m dead serious, Nat.” Here he was, baring his fucking heart like a smarmy son of a bitch and she was accusing him of pranking her.

Her fists clenched as she took a threatening step toward his bed. “Don’t lie to me!” Her tone was cutting.

He couldn’t stop his own voice from rising. “Why the hell would I lie about something like that?!”

“Because you’ve done nothing but lie and give me stupid excuses from the beginning!” She waved her arms, furious at his behavior. “Did you think that giving me some shitty, bogus line like that was going to make me feel better?! I may not be smart, but I’m not stupid, either!”

Now he was angry. Hurt, too, but the anger was fast becoming an eclipsing factor. He’d deal with the rest later, but for now, he could only react.

“Don’t accuse me of lying! I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a damn liar!” He wanted to get up and leave, go anywhere that wasn’t around her. For the first time since waking up in the infirmary, he cursed his injuries that forced him to stay and listen to this horseshit.

Natsumi, for her part, was through listening to it as well.

“Even if you aren’t lying, what does loving me have to do with anything?” Her furious voice yelled, booming in great echoes off the walls of the infirmary. “So what if you love me?!”

She couldn’t take it anymore. Laxus and his stupid excuses and his stupid face and his stupid attempts to pull one over on her. She’d had enough for one day, made enough trouble for herself. If she stayed any longer, she wasn’t sure if that consuming, terrifying rage from earlier might reawaken, and she refused to let that happen.

Turning around and storming to the door, she put on hand on the doorknob.

“It shouldn’t matter if you think the sun shines out of my ass! If you loved me like you say you do, then you’d want me to get stronger! You wouldn’t hold me back just to make yourself feel better! You don’t know anything about love!”

With that, she slammed the door open and stalked out, not sparing Laxus a backward glance.

Needing air, she made a beeline for the exit. Consumed by her need to be away, she didn’t notice the shocked faces of her guild mates, who’d heard every word she’d screamed to the lightning dragon slayer.

Seeing the murderous look on her friend’s face, Lucy scrambled to her feet. She and Happy followed the distressed girl out the door. They hoped they could catch her long enough to help her calm down before she did anything drastic again.

Mira watched in horrified silence from behind the bar. Like the rest of the guild, she’d heard Natsumi yelling about how she hadn’t forgiven Laxus just because he told her he loved her, and she was appalled. When she told that idiot to tell her the truth, she’d thought he’d tell Natsumi about the guilt he’d shouldered since the Harvest Festival and his unwillingness to hurt her again. But he’d managed to misunderstand her instructions so completely, she was at a loss for what to do.

They were both so hopeless, and it broke her heart. Natsumi was just as confused and offended as ever, and she couldn’t even imagine what Laxus was dealing with now. He’d told one of his most closely guarded secrets to the only person whose knowledge of it mattered, and she’d thrown it back in his face. The lights in the guild hall flickered, and her eyebrows drew together, knowing the source of the power surge. She wondered with a heavy heart if those two would ever be able to salvage the pieces of their relationship. Mira herself wasn’t sure what more there was to be done.

Laxus, for his part, was feeling decidedly shitty. When he’d watched Natsumi leave, he’d allowed himself a single moment to indulge in his anger. All the lightbulbs in the room were now in pieces across the floor from where he’d unleashed his magic in one chaotic burst, all power and no technique.

His anger had dissipated, and all that was left was sadness and frustration. He’d fucked it all up again, perhaps even more irrevocably than before. Natsumi had been here, giving him the opportunity to explain everything to her, and he threw it away. He tried to put her actual words out of his head, because the memory of her contorted face screaming at him that she didn’t believe him made his stomach bottom out and his head swim. Now, it didn’t matter if she could have ever returned his feelings. After this, he’d be lucky if she’d even look at him again.

The worst part, the lightning mage thought, was that it was all his fault. He’d had the chance to make her understand, and he’d completely blown it. He comforted himself with that. Natsumi not accepting him due to his idiocy was something that he could at least deal with, but her rejecting him because she found him as awful as he found himself at times was too unbearable to let himself contemplate.

Despite his attempts to calm himself down, however, Laxus knew that, aside from when he’d dealt with the aftermath of his attempted coup, he couldn’t ever remember feeling so hopeless.

**Author's Note:**

> If you feel so inclined, drop a comment! I'd love to hear feedback, although I'd ask you to be gentle, as this is my first story.


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